Freedom and Sacrifice
by Kiraiko
Summary: Freedom comes at a price, and not many know this better than Viveca Allaway, who has sacrificed much over the years time and again to have her freedom and sanity. Now she must sacrifice once again to help Commander Aeron Shepard in his hunt for Saren Arterius in order to help the former Specter the way he helped her once before. OC Insert. Reviews wanted as this is my first full FF
1. Chapter 1

This is a reboot of a Fan Fic I was working on. I decided I didn't like how it was so far and have been reworking it. Some of it is the same, most of it is new. This chapter has been unchanged. Most of this story will actually be told through flash backs, with stuff from the games in between. Feedback and reviews are always wanted and welcome, even if it's just to give me some encouragement!

…...

Viveca stood in the hall way that lead from the wards to the C-Sec headquarters, trying to look nonchalant as a sparse but steady stream of officers and civilians flowed back and forth. Most glanced at her, but she petended to be on her comm, asking someone where they were, as if she were waiting for them. She was waiting for someone, but she didn't know them, not really, and technically they weren't late because they didn't know she was waiting for them. Viveca was in her mid thirties, and was fairly average by human standards, although well put-together, she was normal height for a woman, 5'6", and average weight, but fit, and she was pretty, maybe beautiful to some, but not by popular opinion. There were a few features, though, that made her stand out, like her brassy red hair, long and flowing, and flashing blue eyes.

The doors to the elevator opened and Viveca lifted her wrist as if to start talking to some one on her communicator, but stopped short as she spotted one Commander Aeron Shepard stepping into the hallway. Shepard was the first human Spectre, and he looked the part. He was tall and broad, like a Marine should be, he had naturally tanned skin, dark blue eyes, and dark hair cropped into the military regulation crew cut. He didn't look all together unfriendly, but he was certainly intimidating. He was flanked by two other Marines as he stepped off the elevator, a man and a woman.

"Commander Shepard?" Viveca called as he started to walk past her.

The marines paused and looked at her, Shepard looked slightly annoyed, "Please, no more questions, I don't have time for an interview," he said putting up his hands in a defeated manner.

Viveca quirked a pierced brow at him. "I'm not with the press, I need to talk to you about Saren Arterius," she explained quickly before he could interrupt her or keep going. Thankfully, this got his attention.

His blue eyes narrowed, and he gave her a suspicious look, "What about him?" he asked, voice low. There was no one in the hall, but no need to be careless.

"Ah..." Yes, no need to be careless, "is there anywhere else we could talk?"

"Commander, we don't have time for this, Captain Anderson is waiting," the female Marine spoke up. She was tanned with dark brown hair pulled back in a pony tail and light brown eyes, and she was pretty despite the frown on her face, "And we have all the evidence we need," her tone was annoyed, and the look she gave Viveca was suspicious.

Viveca gave her a cool look back, but was secretly pleased that the woman had told her one thing she wanted to know. By her words, Viveca guessed that they had gotten the council's permission to go after Saren. "This isn't incriminating evidence, I... I can help you find him," she told him, her look imploring, "Please, just let me talk to you, it doesn't have to be right now, just whenever you can."

"Sir," the other male marine spoke up this time, "I don't think waiting a few more minutes before we leave will make much of a difference in the grand scheme of things." He seemed much nicer, and even gave Viveca a small, reassuring smile, his features displaying a strongly Asian background. She looked at the Commander, brows raised slightly, she was hopeful, but she tried to look expectant instead.

He seemed to consider her for a moment, before he sighed, "Very well, meet me up on C Dock in fifteen minutes," he told her. Viveca nodded curly, trying not to look as relieved as she felt.

So, fifteen minutes later, Viveca was riding the elevator from C-Sec to the space docks. The doors opened and she stepped out onto the platform, glancing to her left and spotting the SSV Normandy, an sleek and impressive ship whose design was a collaboration between the Turian Hierarchy and the Systems Alliance. It was also the ship Commander Shepard served upon. Viveca glanced around and spotted Shepard standing on the platform at the end of the docks. He didn't look up as she approached, seeming lost in thought. Viveca glanced out towards space, where stars sparkled and the red cloud of the nebula that protected the Citadel shimmered. The force field that kept them from being sucked out into the void was barely noticeable. "Commander?" She said as she paused, not wanting to sneak up on him. She'd known enough soldiers to know this was a bad idea.

He turned his head slightly to look at her over his shoulder before turning completely to look at her. "I apologize for not introducing myself earlier," she said as she extended her hand, Shepard took it and they shook hands in the customary greeting of their people, "My name is Viveca Allaway."

"You obviously know who I am?" Shepard asked, and Viveca nodded.

"Of course, the entire Citadel is abuzz about the first human Spectre, most are guessing that it has something to do with Eden Prime, but only a few of us know that your investigation is focusing on Saren."

The Commander pursed his lips for a moment before saying, "And you say you can help me find him?" She could tell by his tone and the tightness of his face that something was bothering him, but it wasn't her business to ask. It might be her, but she didn't get the feeling that it was.

"I can, but I want to join your crew," she told him.

Shepard's brows shot up in surprise, "And why should I bring you along? I've got a full crew plus several additions, we should be more than enough to handle him."

Viveca nodded in agreement, "Yes, I know. A Quarian mechanic, a Krogan bounty hunter, and a Turian with too much ambition for C-Sec."

Shepard's blue eyes narrowed, "Yeah... how did you-"

"I have my sources. And you're right, you should be able to handle Saren with the crew you have, but I can help you find him so you can handle him faster."

"How much do you know about Saren?" She asked Shepard, her tone making her sound like a knowing teaching quizzing her student.

Shepard gave her a look that was both suspicious and annoyed, "He's a now former Spectre, he fought in the Contact War, he lost his brother in the war and he blames humans for his death."

Viveca smirked, "You can learn all of that if you do a thorough enough extranet search and I'm sure you have access to some private files detailing his exploits as a rather ruthless but successful Spectre."

"What's your point?" Shepard asked.

"My point is, I knew Saren personally, I know the way he thinks, the paths his thoughts take. I'm sure you could have some one whip up a psychological profile of him, but I already know him. I can help you find him," she explained, her tone serious.

Shepard's look grew even more suspicious, "How do you know Saren personally? He hates humans."

Viveca sighed, trying to hide the pang that that brought her, "Yes, I know he does, but you know how it is, when you get thrown into an impossible situation, you form a bond, even if you hate one another."

"Is that why you want to catch him? Because you hate him?" Shepard asked.

Viveca sighed, shaking her head slightly. "No. Saren and I have our differences but... there's something wrong with him, Commander, I don't know what it is, but it's obvious that it's more serious than I realized. Saren is a cruel, cold-hearted bastard who would sooner shoot you in the face than help you, but he's loyal to the Council, he would never do anything in his right mind that would go against them," She frowned and looked away, sighing, "Look, I know you'll look up my file before you even agree to let me on, you're going to see some stuff that's not going to exactly make me look like a shining citizen, but I promise you, if you let me on your crew, I will help you find Saren."

...

Commander Aeron Shepard's arrival is announced by the woosh of the sliding doors as he walks into the ready room, seeing Chief Williams and Lieutenant Alenko waiting for him. They both stand as he enters the room, and salute. "Have a seat," Aeron gestures and they sit, he does as well. They have a quick briefing about everything that's happened, and what's next in the plan. Aeron wants to go to Feros next, thinking that the presence of Prothean ruins might have attracted Saren there, since he was obviously interested in their technology. And there's one last thing to discuss. The Commander pulls out two data pads and hands them, one each, to Ashley and Kaidan. "This is the file on our newest crew member," he tells them, and waits a moment as they read.

Ashley is the first to say something, no surprise. "That woman that was waiting for us outside of C-Sec?" She asked, frowning. Aeron nods. "But Commander! This woman spent ten years in prison on terrorist charges!" She protests, waving the data pad around.

"I'd hardly call her a terrorist," Kaidan says, still reading, "Says here her entire colony was either wiped out or taken by Batarian slavers in the Skyllian Rift, and after finally getting of slavery, she and some other former slaves and people who'd lost people to the Batarians started attacking slavers and people who kept stolen slaves."

Ashley didn't look impressed, "Yeah, sounds like a terrorist."

"Sounds more like some one whose experienced a lot of pain and retaliated," Kaidan countered.

Aeron wasn't surprised by their reactions, Kaidan being far more compassionate than Ashley. "Wait, it says here that she and her ring were taken down by Saren and a few other Spectres," Ashley added, her brow furrowing. Kaidan read that part as well, "So what then? She wants revenge?"

Aeron shook his head, "No. Or she says she's not out for revenge, she didn't really tell me her reasons, but she almost seemed concerned for him."

Kaidan and Ashley look at one another then back to their Commander. "Concerned? For Saren? That Turian hates humans, and he's the one that sent her to prison," Ashley said, her brows raised and looking very dubious of this whole thing.

"I know, but she's dealt with him before, none of the rest of us has, so I'm bringing her along," He told them, standing up. Ashley opened her mouth to protest, but Aeron cut her off before she could start. "This is my ship, Chief, so what I say goes, and I say she goes with us, that understood?" He asked curtly and she pursed her lips for a moment before answering.

"Aye aye, Commander."


	2. Chapter 2

Viveca had been relieved when she had received word from Commander Shepard that he was accepting her onto his crew. So she'd grabbed her things, packing very lightly, and headed for the docks to board the SSV Normandy. Once on board, the Commander showed her where she could put her things and gave her a quick tour of the Normandy, ending down in the hangar, where most of the crew seemed to have gathered, though they were spread out. The Commander left her then to get settled, and she decided to stay down in the hangar with everyone else, but out of sight and out of the way. She settled on a pile of training mats in the far back corner behind the Mako, her back against the cold hull, and a data pad on her lap, a book she'd been reading. She also had her ear buds in, listening to some quiet piano music.

Viveca was a far cry from the angry young woman she'd been for so long, she'd changed a lot, she liked to think for the better, though sometimes she just wondered if she was just getting old and soft. When she'd been very young, still a slave, she hadn't known if she'd even make it to this age, thirty four, the same had been true when she'd been freed, and then in prison, she'd had a lot of time to think. She still didn't know what she should do, where she should go from here. Seemed to be a common theme in her life; but more and more she felt the nagging sense that she needed to do something worth while, she just didn't know what. Settle down and have kids? Yeah. Who would want her? No one, not anymore. She was a good pilot, and a good fighter, but you reached a certain point in your life when no one wanted you for those either, they wanted some one younger, faster. What would she do then?

She realized she'd been staring at the same page of her book for about ten minutes, lost in thought, and then looked up as she realized some one was standing near by. She pulled her ear buds out quickly and saw that it was the Commander.

"Good book?" He asked. Viveca blinked and glanced down at the data pad, wondering how long he'd been standing there.

"Uh, yeah, pretty good," She said. "Do you need the mats or something? I can move-"

"No, you're fine. I just wanted to talk to you real quick," He told her, motioning for her to stay put as she'd started to get up.

"Oh," She said, settling back down and setting aside her m10 player and data pad, "What about?"

"Well," the Commander said as he sat down on the edge of the mats, "About our next move. I've got three possibilities on finding Saren's trail." Viveca nodded slightly and move to sit beside him, her feet on the floor. "There are reports of Matriarch Benezia being on Noveria, she's apparently Saren's partner in this, and her daughter is supposed to be in the Artemis Tau cluster, she might know something, but the place I feel is most likely is Feros, it has Prothean ruins and there are reports of Geth activity," He explained, handing her a data pad.

Viveca took it from him and read it over real quick, it as more or less what he'd just told her, but with more details. "I agree with you, I think Feros is the most likely place to start. Saren did have a strong interest in the Protheans, especially in last couple years, I even suggested to him that when he retired he could become a scholar on them," She smirked, then pushed the expression away at the look the Commander was giving her.

"You really did know him then," He half-asked, half stated.

"You didn't believe me?" Viveca asked, frowning.

"No, it's not that, I just didn't realize you knew him that well," He explained, shrugging a little.

"Oh, yeah, I suppose it's kind of hard to imagine Saren being friends with a human," She murmured.

"Kind of, he seems to hate us so much," Commander Shepard sighed.

"He does, he hates humans a lot," Viveca sighed, remembering all the rants, all the fights.

"Then how did you become friends? Especially after he arrested you and had you put in prison," the Commander asked.

Viveca looked away, pursing her lips, "It's really complicated, but he was just doing his job."

"Yeah..." There was a moment of awkward silence, then Viveca started to tell Aeron Shepard her story.

…...

Viveca was dreaming. She was home, in New Alamo with her parents, safe and happy. Her mother was holding her, and Viveca clung to her desperately, because in her subconscious, she knew this was a dream, and when she woke, she would only be able to remember her parents' faces for a few moments before they faded away. "It'll be alright Vivi," Her mother whispered, and ran a hand over her hair. Everything was dark, and Viveca didn't know what was going on, until she could hear shouting, and she clung to her mother tightly, her stuffed dog Alex pressed between them. No! Not this dream again! She could hear angry, muffled voices outside their small, prefab home. They were coming. "It'll be alright," Her mother repeated, but her voice sounded strained now.

But it wasn't going to be alright. Viveca knew how this dream would go, the child-Viveca began to cry, desperate sobs wracking her small body, then it was all gone, and Viveca found herself back in the large, lavish bed in her room in Gray's house of pain. She wasn't sorry to have awoken from that dream, but she couldn't say that her waking life was any less painful than the nightmares that haunted her. Viveca realized she'd been crying in her sleep, and hurriedly wiped the tear that was trickling over the bridge of her nose away.

It was about then that she realized she actually could hear muffled shouts outside her room. There was something going on out in the hall way. Viveca sat up, setting Alex aside, and stared at her door, listening intently. She couldn't make out what was being said, the walls in this mansion were thick and insulated, purposefully designed to block out most of the noises that went on inside the rooms, but letting through just enough to hear the screams and sobbing. Viveca licked dry lips, and slid from her bed, her thin frame wrapped in a short, silk night gown. She'd come to hate the feel of silk. Everything in this place was so soft, so smooth, she missed texture, she missed a lot of things. Viveca stood close to her door, her ear near the crack, trying to hear better. Perhaps a girl was trying to escape, that happened on occasion. It never worked though, Viveca should know, she'd tried a couple times.

Then there were people outside her door, she could hear them better now. "Come on, quick! Open this one too!" Some one was ordering, their tone was angry and demanding.

"Okay! Stop shoving me!" Viveca recognized that voice as Nathan, one of Mr. Gray's many butlers. She disliked him. He often tried to grope the girls when Mr. Gray wasn't around, he'd only tried that once with her though. Viveca's blue eyes narrowed, and she backed away from the door as she heard a key turning in the lock, her posture tensing and lowering, readying herself to fight.

The door opened, and a man in armor stepped inside. The sight gave Viveca enough pause not to instantly attack, but obviously the stranger saw all the warning signs. "Whoa! It's okay! I'm not going to hurt you!" He said, holding his hands up.

Viveca's eyes narrowed and she bared her teeth in a carnal snarl, not believing him. She didn't trust anyone, not anymore, not ever again. "Look, we're here to get you out," He told her, his voice soothing, like he was trying to calm a wild animal, which was an accurate analogy. The man began moving towards her, slowly, inching. Viveca moved away, creeping as he did, keeping distance between them, moving onto the bed as he continued advancing. She crouched on the mattress, continuing to move away from him, but once he got close enough to the bed she slept, and landed, clinging to his torso, punching him in the head as hard as she could, as many times as she could. "Agh! God damn it! Stop! I'm trying to help you!" He was trying to pry her off of him and grab her arms while also trying to shield his head.

Then Viveca felt other hands on her, pulling her off of him, she fought blindly, snarling savagely, screaming, kicking, hitting. "Damn!" The man she'd attacked barked, "That one's mean as a snake!" The stranger that had grabbed her managed to get a hold of her wrists, and pinned her against the wall, though Viveca was still kicking, her bare feet slapping harmlessly on his armor, doing more damage to her toes than to him.

"Stop, calm down, it's okay, we're not going to hurt you," The man whispered to her, "I promise, it's over, Allen Gray is never going to touch you ever again." This gave Viveca pause and she stopped, staring at the man, her blue eyes a bit wide, her chest rising and falling as she panted. The man she was looking at was young, maybe only in his early twenties, with sandy blonde hair and blue-gray eyes.

"W-what's going on? Who are you?" She demanded.

"Wow, you mean she speaks and doesn't just snarl like an animal?" The man she'd attacked scoffed.

The man restraining Viveca glared at him over his shoulder, "Shut the hell up, Danny," He snapped, "Go and help the others." Danny frowned, then sighed, before walking out of the room. The stranger looked back to Viveca, "If I let you go, will you be calm and not attack me?" He asked.

Viveca's eyes narrowed and she studied him suspiciously for a moment, before finally nodding. He released her, and she quickly moved away from him, crawling onto her bed and grabbing Alex, clutching the stuffed dog to her chest.

The man watched her for a quiet moment, but stayed where he was, not moving towards her. "My name is Alex," he told her, and Viveca blinked, then looked down at her own Alex, old and worn and the only thing she loved. "Uh, what's your name?" He asked when she didn't say anything in return.

"Viveca," She answered quietly.

"Viveca huh, you're pretty tough, I think you gave Danny a black eye," He smiled at her. It was a warm, friendly expression, softening his features, putting his youth on display. Viveca just stared at him, her expression blank, her eyes distrusting. Alex sighed, "Look, we're here to rescue you and the other slaves," he explained.

Viveca narrowed her eyes, "Why?" Alex blinked, obviously not expecting her to question him. Viveca supposed most slaves were just grateful to have some one come to 'rescue' them.

"Well... that's just what we do... we're sort of... vigilantes," Alex sighed and shrugged his shoulders.

Viveca let out a scoff of a laugh. "A bunch of vigilantes who go around freeing slaves?" She asked, quirking a brow at him.

Alex nodded, "Yep, that pretty much sums us up." Viveca frowned and glared at him, but Alex just sighed, "Look, you don't have to believe me, I don't have time to sit here and earn your trust, we have to get going before the authorities arrive and this sicko has a lot of girls behind old fashioned locks, no systems to hack and have them all open at once," He explained, and started moving towards the door. "Stay here if you like, it's your choice."

"Wait!" Viveca was off the bed before she really knew it, "No, I'll come with you."

Alex looked at her for a moment then nodded, "Get dressed, grab whatever you want to bring, but only what you can carry, and meet us down the hall," And he walked out the door.

Viveca felt a swelling in her chest, like a bubble trying to escape out of her, she frowned and shut her eyes, feeling suddenly overwhelmed, small sobs trying to choke their way out of her. Hope. She hadn't felt it in so long. Could this all really be over? Was she really going to be set free? Viveca closed the door to her room quickly and changed into her day clothes, grabbed a pillow case, putting Alex and a change of clothes in it, and went out into the hall. Others were out there, mostly other girls, the majority of whom Viveca recognized. They were all moving down the hall in small groups, slowly, unsurely, huddled together in fear. Viveca frowned and moved past them, her steps quick and sure. The girls she passed looked up, staring at her as she went by them, before they glanced at one another and followed her quickly, trying to keep up.

Down the hall was the main common room, the largest of them. There were already a few girls there, and men in armor were standing around, holding guns and standing at the other exits. Viveca lead the last of the girls in, bringing their total to twenty seven. The girls massed in one giant group, standing close to one another, eyes wide, staring at the strangers nervously. Viveca wondered if that was how the people of New Alamo had looked when they had been taken. How she had looked. She refused to look like that now, standing a part from the main group, holding her pillow case to her chest, looking around at the men (and some women, she noticed) that seemed to be waiting on something.

She heard some one shouting, and instantly recognized the voice, and by the way every one of the slave girls tensed, so did they. Alex came walking into the room, with two men dragging Allen Gray behind him. "Let me go you fucking terrorists!" Allen was shouting, "I'll have every single last one of you thrown in prison for the rest of your pathetic lives! You'll regret this!" Alex stopped next to a tall, dark-haired man, "I don't think he likes not having control over a situation." The dark-haired man smiled. Alex didn't smile back, he was staring at Allen with a cold, hard look on his young face, his eyes dark and heavy. Viveca watched as they dragged Allen to the center of the room, the group of girls moving as one against the far wall, attempting to stay away from him. Allen looked up, seeing his slaves standing in a huddled, fearful group. "All of you! Get the fuck back to your rooms!" He screamed. Viveca had never seen him so disheveled, so out of control, not even when he was beating her until she passed out.

A few of the girls shifted nervously, fighting the urge to obey him. "They don't belong to you anymore, Mr. Gray," Alex said as she stepped between the girls and Allen, "They're free, and you can't control them."

Allen's face twisted in rage and he lunged suddenly for Alex, but didn't get far as he was still being restrained. "You're going to pay for this, I'll see to it. I'll put every cent I have into bringing your little organization down," Allen snarled.

"It'll be kind of hard to spend money when you're dead, Mr. Gray," the dark-haired man said as he stepped in beside Alex.

Allen blinked, then laughed, "You don't kill slave owners, that's not your style."

"We're making a special exception for you," The dark-haired man smiled, pulling out his pistol.

"No," Allen's eyes went wide and he tried to jerk free from the hands holding him, "No!"

"We've seen a lot of horrible things, Mr. Gray," The dark-haired man said quietly, "But even the Batarians treat their slaves better than you. You are the ultimate traitor, and you deserve to die for all the lives you have ruined." Alex moved away, letting his second in command take over for this part, watching with a dark expression. "We know that if we let you live, you will only get more slaves, ruin more lives, and that justice will never be served, so we're going to serve it for you," He nodded to the men holding Allen and they forced him down to his knees.

Allen struggled, his face a mixture of fear and rage, "This isn't right! This isn't who you are! Some one, stop him!" He shouted, staring around at the other intruders, a few shifted on their feet, glancing at one another, but none moved to intervene.

The dark-haired man raised his pistol, pointing it at Allen's head. Allen's eyes went wide, and he struggled to get free.

"Stop!" Viveca walked forward, never taking her eyes off Allen.

"Viveca..." Allen whispered, "Please."

The dark-haired man stopped and looked at the red-haired girl, though she was hardly a girl anymore, hard and bitter as an old woman. "Give me the gun," She asked, holding out her hand.

Everyone stared at her for a moment, Alex walking over. "I don't know if-"

"I said give me the fucking gun!" Viveca screamed, looking at the dark-haired man, not Alex, her blue eyes boring into his own, which were nearly black they were so dark, and intense. "You don't have the right to kill him," She snarled, "I do. Give me the gun."

"Logan-"

"No, she's right, Alex," The dark-haired man, whose name was apparently Logan, said, glancing at his leader, before placing the pistol in Viveca's open hand.

"Do you know how to shoot?" Logan asked her as he moved aside, Viveca taking his place.

"Aim, pull the trigger," She answered flatly. She'd never fired a gun before, but she'd seen it done plenty of times, she knew how to do it, and at this close of a range, with an unmoving target, she didn't think she'd have much of a problem getting it done. She lifted the pistol, holding it with both hands, staring down the barrel at the man who had been her devil, her living nightmare, for the last two years.

"Viveca, no! Stop! Think about this!" Allen begged, and it gave Viveca a cold, cruel sense of satisfaction to see the fear in his eyes and to know she was the cause.

"I am thinking about this, Allen, I'm thinking about all the bruises, the broken bones, the nightmares, the rape, the pain, and you know what?" she whispered to him, "I have never wanted anything so badly in my entire life."

"See you in hell Allen," She told him, and squeezed the trigger. The pistol jerked in her hands, and the bullet announced it's deed with a spray of blood exploding from the opposite side of Allen Gray's head. His body jerked, and then went limp. The men holding him let him go, and he slumped, lifeless, to the ground. Viveca lowered the pistol, her hands had been steady when she had shot him, but now they were shaking. She felt large, warm hands gently prying her thin, hard fingers off the gun. She looked up to see Logan, his eyes as intense as they had been a moment ago, but softer now.

"Good job," He whispered, taking the gun from her. Viveca just stared at him, feeling numb, as she always did, except now there was that strange, lifting pressure in her chest, the repressed well of emotions she'd kept locked away for two years threatening to boil over and overtake her. Instead, she turned and walked back to where she'd been standing before, picking her pillow case back up and hugging it to her chest, feeling Alex's soft form through the fabric. Everyone was staring at her, but she didn't notice.


	3. Chapter 3

"That was the first time I killed a man," Viveca finished, blinking a few times, drawing herself back into the present. She looked at the commander, and tilted her head to the side, "When was the first time you killed a man, Commander?" She asked him quietly.

Shepard blinked, and thought for a moment, "I don't really remember... to be honest," He sighed, "I became well-known for the Skyllian Blitz, but I'd seen action plenty before that. It wasn't as memorable as yours as I suppose." He was trying to lighten the mood a little bit. "Why did you shoot him?" It seemed the commander wasn't as easily thrown off subject as she had hoped. In all honesty, she felt uncomfortable talking to him about all of this, she rarely spoke of her life to others, they made assumptions because of her record, and didn't bother to hear her side of the story, and when they did they thought she was just trying to garner sympathy. If only they knew the things had haunted her dreams, how her life could never be normal because of all the things that had happened to her. She didn't know what normal was.

She let out a heavy sigh, full of troubles and thoughts, "Because I wanted revenge, to put it simply. Allen Gray killed what was left of the girl that was taken from New Alamo, so I wanted to kill him in return." Viveca pushed some of her red hair out of her face.

"Did it help?" Shepard asked quietly.

Viveca smiled sadly, "Yes. It did. Those old sayings about revenge not being the way are full of shit, the people who say those things, they've never been raped and beaten for two years. I'd like to see them go through that and then pass up the chance to shoot the bastard in the face for it. Or maybe I'm just too depraved to feel guilt for killing him. I don't know." Viveca stood and stretched, having been sitting there talking to the Commander for a while now.

"I don't think you're depraved," Shepard said, standing and stretching as well, it was strange to see him make such a human gesture, he was so venerated, raised high upon a pedestal, above everyone else.

"We'll be setting a course for Feros soon," He told her and Viveca nodded, watching him leave. She sighed and sat there for a long moment, trying to mentally shake off the tendrils of her memories. Sometimes, it seemed as if all of that had happened to some one else she was so careful to remove herself from it, but when she talked about it, it made her connect herself to it, and it could be difficult to handle, so she did her best to remain detached when retelling the story, which she hadn't had to do in a very long time. For a while, after her arrest, it was all anyone had wanted to talk to her about; lawyers, reporters, politicians, Spectres, the military, they'd all wanted to know her story, she'd told it so many times it had lost it's sting, but it'd been so long now that it had come back a bit.

She sighed and thought for a moment before deciding to go up to the mess hall and find something fattening to eat to comfort her.

Back on the Normandy, Viveca took her spot back up, and sat listening to music and reading while Shepard did his duty as a Marine and a Spectre, reporting to the Council and making the rounds among his crew. It left her with time to reflect upon all that they'd learned on Feros. That planet was little more than a barren wasteland, only valuable for its Prothean ruins and some scarce ore deposits. She knows that most of the crew feel that Feros had been a waste of time, that nothing had been gained from it, but Viveca knew better. She had learned something, and to her, it was important.

She heard Commander Shepard's voice over her music, and listened as he speaks with the members of his crew. She can't really make out what exactly he's saying, but she can hear him speak with Wrex, then Ashley, and the Garrus, before he comes around the Mako and stands aside while she puts aside her music and her book. "So, mind telling me what you think of our mission?" he asked as he sat on the corner of the mats.

"Very productive," Viveca said as she moved to sit beside the commander.

He gave her a look of slight surprise, "Productive?"

"I take it you think that that was all a waste too?" She asked with a small smile.

"Yes, I do," Shepard frowns slightly, obviously not liking being out of the loop.

"I can see why everyone thinks that. We didn't catch Saren, didn't get a solid lead on him, but I learned something important," She tells him.

"And what would that be?"

"That Saren is not in his right mind," She tells the commander.

"Shouldn't that be bad news for you? You're supposed to know him, but if he's not acting normally then how are you supposed to help me track him down?" Shepard frowned at her and Viveca lowered her head slightly, submitting to his unconsciously dominating mannerisms. He could feel like a big macho boss all he wanted if it made him happy, she didn't care.

"I suppose, but he is obviously still Saren, he would be willing to sacrifice that Asari for his own gains, he'd sacrifice anyone if it meant getting what he wants," She said, her fingers picking at the frayed material along the edge of the mats.

"So, what makes knowing Saren isn't in his right mind so important?" Shepard asked, and Viveca hesitated.

She thought for a moment, pursing her lips, "Because it means there's still a chance to save him."

Shepard just stared at her for a long moment, brows furrowed, "Save him? You're trying to save him?" He sounded disbelieving, with a touch of offended.

Viveca looked at him, unwavering, and nodded, "Yes. I told you I would help you catch him, and if we must kill him to stop him... then we will, but if I can save him, if there is a chance that he can be stopped and left intact, then I will do everything in my power to make that happen." She looked away from the commander, staring out into nothing, "I know what's at stake, I know that he's doing something that will endanger us all, what Shiala told us about the Conduit proves it. He's after something, something dangerous, and we have to stop him," she looked back to the commander, her face calm, but resolute, "I will not fail you, Commander, but I understand if you do not wish me to continue to help your team."

Shepard let out a heavy sigh, and for a fleeting moment, she could see the stress dragging on him, but he ran a hand over his face and it was gone, "No, I know that you will help us, but know this, even if Saren does survive, he might wish he hadn't."

Viveca nodded, "I understand." The mood shifted and Shepard rose his brows at Viveca, opening his mouth to speak, but she spoke for him. "I suppose you want me to continue?" She asked, her tone somewhat flat.

"Yes, I would," He confirmed with a nod, and Viveca sighed.

…...

The group, who apparently called themselves the Skyllian Liberation Front, had escorted the former slaves out of the lavish mansion, and then onto shuttles to be transported to their ship, which was more of a small space station than anything else. It had once been several ships, but with the help of some Quarian engineers on their pilgrimage, they'd re-purposed them and then fused them into one another, with the largest ship forming the main body. It could still reach FTL travel surprisingly. Viveca and the other girls all unloaded from the shuttles, finding themselves in a large cargo bay. Viveca frowned, this all felt far too familiar. It was like reliving New Alamo all over again. These people claimed to be there to free them, but how did they know they weren't just slavers stealing people who were already slaves to avoid raiding colonies?

For some reason, no matter how she moved, Viveca found herself surrounded by the other slaves, who all stood around, clustered together, looking around fearfully, most of them sporting some sort of injury. The leader, Alex, approached them, "Ladies, please, if I could have your attention." All of them turned to look at him, regarding him with a mixture of fear and suspicion. Viveca just stared at him blankly. "I know you've been through a lot, we'll have you shown to rooms where you can relax and rest, they're not the classiest accommodations but they're the best we can do," he glanced over his shoulder as Logan came stand beside him, "Now, starting tomorrow, we're going to start processing you. And by that I mean we'll be asking you for your name and anything you can remember about where you were taken from and who your family is. Our goal here is to get as many of you as we can back to them. Those of you who don't remember, or have no family to go to, will be taken to the homes of volunteers who will help you assimilate back into normal life." The girls all murmured to one another, some were excited, some were skeptical.

Viveca's green eyes narrowed, "You expect us to just take your word for it that you're the good guys?" She asked loudly.

The other girls all turned at looked at her, and then looked at Alex. He frowned slightly, not in a disapproving way, more tired than that, "No, I don't. I understand your suspicions, I don't expect any of your to trust us just because we said so." He motioned to across the group, taking them all in in one gesture, "You've all suffered more than most can imagine, you've lost your lives, your families, yourselves. The last thing I want to do is to make any of you suffer any more. Please, take your time, when you're ready to let us help you, we'll be here." Alex looked at Viveca, as if asking her if she had anything else to say, some of the other girls glanced at her as well, but she didn't say anything.

After that, they were divided up into four groups and shown to their barrack-like quarters. There were rows of bunk beds, and each barrack had a public shower and bathrooms.

"This looks like it used to be a military vessel," said a young Asari with a split lip.

"Wonder how they got it," murmured a blonde with a black eye.

"Probably stole it, they're terrorists you know," whispered a brunette, her arm in a sling.

"How can you say that?" asked the blonde, "They saved us."

"So they say," The brunette scoffed, "Terrorists always think they're heroes. The Batarians who stole us think it's their right to do so. No one ever thinks they're evil." The blonde frowned, she was young, even for Allen Gray. "What do you think Viveca?" asked the brunette. Viveca opened one green eye to peer at them from her top bunk, her arms under her head, Alex still in the pillow case, which was at her feet now. She wasn't surprised they knew her name, she'd been in Mr. Gray's possession longer than anyone else who was still around.

"I think you're interrupting my nap," Viveca grumbled. She was never going to get any proper sleep in a room full of some fifteen girls.

"Seriously," The brunette frowned. Viveca sighed and sat up, her legs dangling over the side of her bunk.

"What's your name?"

The brunette frowned for another moment, "Janice Wright."

"Well, Janice is right about one thing. Evil never calls itself evil. Terrorists call themselves heroes and the bastards who stole us and sold us call themselves entrepreneurs," she paused, thinking, "But honestly, I don't know what to think about these guys. They could be genuine for all I know, we'll just have to wait and see."

And wait they did. Viveca waited, judging every word, every look, every movement. One by one, girls trickled out of the barracks, going to the group's counselors to find their families, and talk about their experiences if they wished, to begin the healing process. Only one or two of the girls had been stolen so young that they no longer remembered their full names or where they were from, those girls would likely never see their families again. But most remembered enough to find out whether or not they still had family out there, some didn't. Some had had their entire family abducted, and the rest had passed on. Viveca suspected this was the case for her. She didn't know though. She wondered about it every night.

Maybe her father had survived, maybe he was out there, waiting for them, looking for them. Or maybe he had moved on, started another family, and forgotten about them. Or he could be dead. She wondered about her mother, was she dead, still enslaved, or had she been freed some how, like by this group or another like it. And there were her grandparents, though they'd been old even when she'd been a child. She was afraid to find out. She had always told herself for years that she was alone, that her mother was gone, her father was dead, and so were her grandparents more than likely. But to know, to really know that she was, for a fact, alone, she didn't think she wanted to know that. It was better to have that doubt, that hope, lingering in the back of her mind, the bottom of her heart. That also brought up the question, what if she wasn't alone? Viveca didn't know, and she was ashamed to admit she was too cowardly to find out just yet.

Right now, she was trying to get some sleep, laying on her back with her arms under her head, Alex still in his pillow case. Viveca knew she had a reputation among the other girls, a reputation for her strength and cold nature, and sleeping with a stuffed animal just didn't go with that. She wanted to maintain that image, if only for the fact that it kept most of the girls away from her. She didn't want to get to know them or make friends, they'd all be leaving sooner or later, so it was just best if they stayed strangers. Of course, that was slightly impossible to achieve completely. She had started to get to know the girls that bunked immediately around her. The young blonde, whose name was Helena, slept in the bunk below her, Janice slept on the bottom bunk next to theirs, while an Asian girl named Miyu slept on the top bunk. On the other side, the Asari, named Kailani, slept on the bottom bunk, and an African girl named Afiah slept on the top bunk. Viveca mostly watched from the side lines, but she still was coming to be more comfortable with them over the past couple weeks.

Especially Janice, who completely ignored Viveca's attempts to ward her off and seemed determined for them to become friends. "Hey Vivi," She heard Janice whisper from her bunk. She'd taken to calling her 'Vivi' rather than by her actual name, Viveca hadn't told her that that was what her parents used to called her. "Vivi, you awake?"

"What do you think?" Viveca answered.

"Do you ever sleep?" Janice asked incredulously.

"Kind of hard to with Kailani snoring," Viveca told her, and the Asari gave a soft snore as if to oblige. That was partially a lie, sure the snoring didn't help, but that wasn't what kept Viveca awake.

"You hungry?" Janice asked, and Viveca smirked.

"Yeah."

The two of them quietly crept out of the barracks and made their way to the mess hall, not speaking. Viveca looked better than she had in a long time. It had only taken a few days worth of good meals for her health to improve, the gaunt lines in her face disappearing and the curves of her body filling in. She still looked older than her seventeen years though, having lost the baby fat that was usually still present a long time ago. Most of the girls had healed up, no longer battered and bruised, on the outside they looked healthy. The sounds of crying and whimpering at night though confirmed that they weren't completely healed. Viveca had to admit now that these people were the real deal. They provided everything they needed, clothes, a place to sleep, good food, and they offered counseling. About half of the girls were gone now, either back to their families or off to a foster family. The road to recovery would be long, Viveca didn't know how many of them had the strength to make it.

Back to the mess hall though, now that Viveca was able to eat on a regular basis, and eat food that was actually pretty good, her appetite had returned full force for the first time in several years. She found that she was almost always willing to eat something, she was a little wary of getting fat like that though, and so often found herself in the gym, which had everything from treadmills to weight machines, and even a fighting arena. They both grabbed some sandwiches as the cooks were down for the night and sat at one of the tables, the only two people in the mess hall. "So, you still haven't gone to the researchers yet?" Janice asked.

Viveca frowned, "You know I haven't."

Janice sighed, but didn't say anything.

"Have you heard back from them yet?" Viveca asked. Janice had gone earlier in the week and given all the information she could remember, she was still waiting to find out if they had found her family. She'd had quite a few aunts and uncles and cousins on her father's side, hopefully one of them would be willing to take her in.

"No, not yet," Janice sighed, taking a bit of her sandwich.

"You will, don't worry," Viveca assured her.

They'd gone back to the barracks and gone to bed, Viveca able to fall asleep with something in her stomach. She'd only been able to sleep for a few hours though before the nightmares had woken her up. She sat up panting, feeling a bead of sweat run down the side of her face. She took a deep breath and released it in a long sigh, running a hand through her her hair, pushing it out of her eyes. Most everyone was still asleep, but Viveca knew she wasn't going to be able to just lay here after this. She felt wired, like she always did after one of her nightmares. They reminded her all too sharply of how weak and helpless she had been, and that she could never be that way again. So she slid off her bunk carefully, got dressed, and headed to the gym.

There were a few people there, but none of them were the other slaves, they were actual members of the Front. A few of them looked up when they saw her, nodded to her in acknowledgment and went back to whatever they'd been doing. Most of the members who stayed in this part of the ship knew Viveca by now, either they'd heard about her killing Allen Gray, or they saw her around. She didn't stick to the barracks like most of the slaves did, she wasn't afraid, and she didn't like feel cooped up. She'd been all but caged for the last two years, the ability to get up and just walk around was something she had missed. She found her way to one of the weight machines and started working her legs doing leg presses. It wasn't difficult, it gave her body an outlet for her energy while allowing her mind to wander. She thought a lot these days. Mostly about whether she should go to the researchers or not and find out whether or not she was really alone in this universe.

"Hey," she jumped, jerked out of her thoughts by a man's voice, looking up to see Logan smiling down at her. "Sorry, didn't mean to startle you," He laughed.

Viveca's face flushed slightly, thankfully she'd been exerting herself enough that it wasn't noticeable. "No, it's okay, I was thinking," She shrugged, slowly bringing her legs down out of the machine.

"Yeah, I noticed, you were looking pretty intense there. You okay?" Logan asked, leaning against the machine, crossing his arms. He was wearing a sleeveless shirt, showing off long, muscled arms.

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine," she said, standing up. Logan always made her feel self conscious with the way his dark, intense eyes watched her.

"You're up early," He said, actually following her as she walked away.

Viveca had hoped he'd take her assurance as a good bye, but apparently not. "Yeah, so are you," She answered.

Logan laughed, he laughed a lot. "Yeah, guess so, I stay too busy to sleep in," He shrugged, "Need a spotter?" He offered.

Viveca hesitated, "Uh, no, thanks. I was just finishing up," she gave him a half-assed smile.

Logan looked slightly disappointed for a moment, then gave her a small smile, "Alright, well guess I'll see you around then."

Viveca left the gym, frowning, wondering why she'd let Logan scare her off like that. She sighed and headed for the mess hall to get some breakfast, and before long Janice showed up to join her. "Morning," The brunette said, sitting across from her.

"Morning," Viveca nodded.

"Been at the gym?" Janice asked, digging into a pile of scrambled eggs.

"Yep," Viveca stuffed a piece of toast into her mouth.

"Yeah, you're wearing your sweaty clothes," Janice laughed. They sat and ate and talked, then Janice glanced over Viveca's shoulder and smiled, "Your boyfriend is here."

Viveca blinked and looked over her shoulder, and found herself locking gazes with Logan. She turned around quickly, trying to keep her face from turning red.

"Vivi! You're blushing!" Janice giggled.

"Am not," Viveca hissed at her. She saw Janice open her mouth to speak but Viveca glared at her, "Shut up Janice, just leave me alone okay," She growled at her friend, getting up and dropping her empty plate off at the sinks before walking out of the mess hall.

She was walking down the hall when Janice caught up with her, trotting to do so, "Hey! Vivi, I'm sorry."

Viveca rounded on the brunette, glaring at her, "I can't believe you Janice," She snapped at her, "I just spent the last two years being raped and beaten, you really think I want anything to do with a man right now? You of all people should understand that."

Janice frowned and sighed, "I'm sorry okay? I do understand, I... I don't think I'll ever be able to have a normal relationship with a man after all this shit." She ran a hand through her short brown hair, gray eyes apologetic, "I was just trying to making you laugh, you know? You never laugh."

Viveca frowned at her friend, "Just tell me knock knock jokes or something, damn."


	4. Chapter 4

Hope you guys don't mind the long flash backs lol I said that that's how most of the story is really going to be told. It won't be until near the end that things are more present tense, sorry! Feedback always welcome! Even if it's just to encourage me, I can always use encouragement.

...

Another week passed, and Viveca still had not garnered the courage to go to the researchers, so she was still stuck in this limbo, not a slave, but not yet free. Most of the girls were gone, only Janice and three others remained in their bunk. Apparently most of Janice's father's side of the family had been a bunch of dead beats. They were either in prison, recently released, or on their way there one day. The Front was trying to find as stable a home as possible for her to go to, and so far none of them really fit the bill. She could see Janice was trying not to be down about it, so Viveca kept her busy.

They spent a lot of time in the gym, Viveca found that she slept easiest when she was too worn out to stay up thinking, though that didn't stop the nightmares from coming and waking her up. And there was the ever present burning desire to never be weak again. She would be stronger, faster, no one would ever be able to hurt her again without her hurting them back. Janice didn't seem as into it all as Viveca was, but she did agree it was a good outlet for her energy, and that she had been sleeping better. Not like there was much better to do on the space station. They weren't allowed to leave the more public areas, and they weren't allowed off the station whenever a ship left to dock somewhere. And television was only entertaining for so long.

A few of the SLF members started being on friendlier terms with them, and offered to teach both of them some hand to hand combat. Viveca was eager to learn, Janice not so much, she wasn't a very aggressive or violent person. Viveca was though.

"Alright, look," Felicia said as she and Viveca worked on a few grappling techniques, "when I grab your shoulder, like this-" the older black woman grabbed Viveca firmly at the base of her neck "-you push up on my elbow, with your left hand, hard, and duck underneath." Viveca nodded and Felicia backed up a step before grabbing her again. Viveca did as she'd been told, bringing her hand up, palm open, to push Felicia's elbow, hard, so that it lifted up enough for Viveca to duck under it. "Alright, good," Felicia smiled, "Now, I'm going to show you a triangle choke, it starts out the same, but when you duck under my arm, don't run off, get your right shoulder under my arm, and wrap your arms around me."

"Okay," Viveca wasn't sure what she meant, but she tried it, stopping this time once she got under Felicia's arm, pushing into her body so that her right shoulder was against her chest. "Alright, now, keep your head against me so I can't get it back around you, good, now," she took Viveca's right arm and put it over her left shoulder, "wrap your arm around me like this, and grab your other hand, so you're basically holding me." Viveca did as she was told, ending up with her arms around Felicia like one would have the strap of a bag going across their chest. "Alright, now take me out," Felicia told her.

She didn't instruct Viveca on how, leaving it up to her. She'd be taught several maneuvers to take down an opponent, and decided to go for her knee this time. "Ready?" Viveca asked. She felt, more than saw, Felicia nod. So she moved forward, quickly, surely, her right leg coming up and hooking around behind the back of Felicia's right knee. The two of them went down with a thud, Felicia grunting as Viveca half landed on top of her. "Good! Now, in a real choke, you'd keep your arms locked and rest your forehead on your left arm and lean into it, hard, putting most of your weight into it," Felicia tapped Viveca's shoulder and the red head released her, climbing to her feet and helping older woman up. "Your shoulder," she continued to explain, "would press against the arteries in the left side of my neck-" She put her fingers to them "and I'd pass out after a couple minutes."

Felicia and Viveca practiced it a few times, Viveca getting better, smoother, each time, until Felicia clapped her on the back and laughed, "Not bad! You learn faster than most of the people I've worked with on this station." Viveca smiled, trying not to show how pleased she was. It'd been a long time since she'd felt good about herself, far too long, she'd almost forgotten what it was like to not wish she was dead, to wake up and not wish she'd passed on in her sleep.

"Thanks, you're a good teacher," Viveca smiled.

"Yeah, I am, aren't I?" Felicia laughed, and climbed out of the ring. Viveca followed, grabbing her water and drinking half the bottle in one long gulp. She pulled it away from her mouth with a deep, satisfied, and grabbed her bag. She was tired, but happy. Happier than she'd been in a long time. Could anyone really blame her for being a little apprehensive of wanting that to change?

She was walking down the hall to the barracks when she heard some one call her name, looking over her shoulder to see Janice running towards her. "Vivi!" She called, slowing as she neared, panting slightly. Both of them looked better than they had when they'd been rescued, their weight was back up to a healthy level, and they weren't covered in bruises, and their eyes now lacked that hard, suspicious look. Viveca was still wary, but Janice seemed to have bounced back. But then, Allan had only had her a few months, he'd had Viveca for two years. "They found some one," Janice grinned, panting slightly.

"That's great!" Viveca smiled, "I'd hug you, but I'm all sweaty." Her red hair was pulled back in a pony tail, but after all the activity it was messy, strands coming loose and sticking out in weird angles. "Come on, tell me about it on the way back to the barracks so I can take a shower."

Janice practically bounced alongside her friend, "They couldn't find my aunt on my mother's side for some reason, she just kind of disappeared about a year ago, turns out she went out to be a colonist on some planet out near the Terminus systems. Made her kind of hard to get a hold of." She explained as they walked, "Well they finally got word out to her and she wants me to come live with her." Janice grinned, "She says the colony is pretty well established by now, and a lot safer than the one my parents took us too. I'm going to go back to school and everything."

"Wow Janice, that's great," Viveca grinned. She could see how excited Janice was. She was going to get her life back, she'd have her aunt and a future. Viveca was happy for her, but sad at the same time. She knew that that meant Janice would be leaving soon, and the only friend she'd had in nearly seven years would be gone.

"What about you?" Janice asked, frowning suddenly as they got back to the barracks.

"What do you mean?" Viveca asked, even though she knew exactly what Janice was asking her.

"Don't play dumb with me," Janice sighed, sitting on her bunk, "You haven't gone to the researchers yet, you're the only one who hasn't. You can't stay here in these barracks forever." She frowned at her friend and then followed her once she'd grabbed a change of clothes and headed for the showers.

"I..." Viveca sighed, and looked away, pausing.

"Look, Vivi, I know you're scared, I don't know what of since you won't talk to me about it, but you're strong, you're the strongest person I've ever met. And I mean that, you can handle whatever comes your way," Janice smiled encouragingly at her, putting a hand on her shoulder.

"Yeah yeah, stop being so mushy," Viveca told her, pushing Janice's hand off her shoulder, "Now do you mind? I'd like some privacy."

As usual, Viveca woke up early, unable to sleep more than four or five hours at a time. She was starting to get used to it. She was alone in the mess hall, eating a bowl of cereal, thinking. She was the last of the girls rescued from Allan Gray's house of pain not to go to the researchers. There were only about nine or ten of them left, where there had been nearly sixty barely a month ago. Soon, she'd be the only one left. Alex had said they could all go to the researchers in their own time but who knew how long it would be before Viveca went willingly. Janice had told her she was strong. She wasn't. She was a coward. Viveca let out a sigh and put her forehead in her palm, her spoon hanging from her mouth, staring into the bowl of milk and round, doughnut-shaped cereal. '_You can't stay in these barracks forever_' Janice had told her. She knew that, but it was the first time in seven years that she'd felt remotely comfortable, happy. She was hesitant to move on when it meant she had a good chance of finding only more pain, more isolation, more disappointment.

"Viveca?" She heard some one say and she jerked her head up, the spoon falling from her mouth and into her bowl, knocking it over and sending milk and cereal across the table and into her lap. "Ah shit!" Viveca snarled, jumping up and letting out a frustrated growl.

"Jeez, sorry," Logan laughed.

'_Damn it_' Viveca cursed mentally,_ 'How does he always sneak up on me like that?_' She let out a calming breath, "Logan, don't you ever sleep?" She asked him, walking over to a nearby counter and getting some napkins. Logan moved to help her. She felt uncomfortable, in all honesty, being alone with him, her suspicion bordered on paranoia with men now, but she was too proud to act on it. Not with Logan, she always felt like she had to measure up to something with him, she didn't know why.

"I could ask you the same thing," He smiled, helping her mop up the milk and cereal.

Viveca sighed, throwing the napkins away and dumping the bowl in the sink, grabbing some more napkins and starting to dab at her pants to help dry them. "Yeah, I sleep." she told him. Which was true, she did sleep, just not much.

"That's good," Logan said, leaning against the counter, arms crossed. He was tall, about six foot three, his black hair cropped short, though he did have some bangs hanging over his forehead, and his brown eyes were nearly black they were so dark. He was handsome, with a strong jaw and angular features. Viveca had a hard time maintaining eye contact with him. "Look, I'm glad I found you, I wanted to talk to you." He told her.

Viveca blinked and looked up at him, she was about five six seven, so several inches shorter than him. "About what?" She asked him, frowning slightly.

"I've heard through the grape vine that you haven't gone to see the researchers yet," Logan told her. He apparently didn't believe in small talk, going right to the point like this. Viveca found it refreshing. So many members of the Skyllian Liberation Front tended to handle the former slaves with kid gloves all the time. Viveca always had to convince them to just treat her like any one else, it usually took a couple days of proving she didn't the mental stability of a Jenga tower.

"Yeah," she sighed, "What of it?"

Logan frowned at her, and she swallowed, looking away. "Look Viveca, I'm not going to give you a psyche evaluation or a pep talk, I'm not very good at them, and you'd probably just roll your eyes and ignore me anyway," He waved his hand dismissively. Viveca frowned, wondering how he knew that's exactly how she'd react. "But I will tell you this," He straightened and looked at her, his hands on his hips, "You're better than this."

Viveca looked away, for some reason his disappointed tone hit her harder than anything Janice or Felicia had said to her in their attempts to convince her to go to the researchers and get on with her life. She let out a sighed, but said nothing.

"Viveca," Logan said, and she looked up at him, "Go to the researchers." He told her, and then walked away.

That afternoon, Viveca had gone to the researchers, and a couple days later, found herself sitting in a small office across from a friendly older woman, who was filling out information in her computer. "Okay, Viveca Diane Allaway, born May 5th 2149," the woman repeated, "Taken from New Alamo." She glanced at Viveca, who nodded, confirming the information. The woman punched a button and she paused for a moment, "Parents, Julia and Nathan Allaway," She said, Viveca blinked and looked away, she hadn't heard her parents names in so long. The woman looked at her for a moment, and Viveca could tell by the look on her face she didn't have good news. "Nathan Allaway was killed during the raid, I'm so sorry dear," She said quietly. Viveca swallowed down the lump in her throat and fought off the stinging sensation in the back of her eyes. She'd known as much. She didn't say anything, and the woman continued. "Julia Allaway, where abouts unknown..." Viveca wasn't looking at her anymore, she was staring at her hands, which were gripping the frabic of her pants, knuckles white.

Everything felt hot, she could feel sweat forming on her brow. She was struggling for control, struggling not to break down. She was angry. Angry with herself. She'd known this already, why was it making her so upset? She'd known her father was dead, her mother gone, she shouldn't feel anything about that.

"Are you alright? Do you need a moment, some water?" Viveca hated her concerned, pitying tone, she wanted to scream. But instead she took a deep breath and held it for a moment before releasing it slowly. "No, I'm fine. Continue," Viveca told her, her voice flat, void of emotion. The woman eyed her for a moment then continued. "I'm afraid all but one of your grandparents have passed on since you were abducted. Only your maternal grandmother, Alice Manning, is still alive, but she is in a nursing home with dementia... she would be unable to provide you with a home."

Viveca stared at her lap, "Now what?" She felt numb, shoving all her emotions down into herself, refusing to let them take her over, refusing to acknowledge them.

"Well, now we place you with a volunteer family," The woman told her quietly. "I would suggest you go to talk to a counselor, Viveca." She suggested softly. Viveca was tempted to grab the stack of data pads sitting on her desk and throw them at her, but she didn't. She knew this woman was just doing her job. Taking out her anger on her wouldn't be right.

"Thanks," Viveca said flatly and stood up, walking out of the office. She didn't go to the barracks or the mess hall, she went to the gym, and when she saw Logan, she marched up to him.

He gave her a friendly grin and put aside the weights he was lifting, "Viveca, hey..." His smiled changed to a worried frown though as she walked up to him, "What's wrong?" He asked. Her face was pale, and while her expression was completely calm, even cold, her eyes were burning.

"Spar with me," she told him, almost demanding, glaring up at him.

"What? No, that would be very inappropriate given what-"

"FIGHT ME!" She screamed at him, everyone around them stopping what they were doing to stare at her.

"No Viveca, you're obviously upset, I'm not going to spar with you when you're- UGH." His sentence was interrupted when Viveca hit him as hard as she could in the stomach, her fist slamming into him with all of the rage and pain that had been boiling inside of her for the last twenty minutes, waiting for a release. Logan staggered back, obviously surprised by the attack, staring at her. He had to dodge quickly as Viveca rushed him, trying to knock his legs out from under him. "Viveca! Stop it!" Logan shouted, but she wasn't listening. She didn't even see him.

In her eyes, he had become everything she hated. He was the Batarian who had dragged her from her mother, he was Borlon V'Daki, her first 'owner', he was Allan Gray. If you asked her later, why she had targeted Logan, she wouldn't be able to say, but she had, and she was out to kill him. This was all his fault, and she was going to make him pay. She became a whirlwind of rage, an animal, attacking Logan with a mixture of unpolished frenzy and the moves she'd been taught in the ring. Logan refused to attack her, defending himself and getting hit quite a few times for his trouble, all while trying to talk her down. She wasn't responding though, and finally he'd had enough. Using one of his long legs, he knocked Viveca off her feet, and then he was on top of her, pinning her down. "Viveca! Stop! It's me! It's Logan!" He shouted in her face.

Viveca blinked, the jarring pain of landing on her pain had knocked the wind out of her, and she gasped for breath, staring up at Logan, whose face was red and sweating. "Viveca," He panted, "Calm down."

She broke. She felt some one had just punched her in the stomach, and then there were tears streaming down her face, into her hair. A sob escaped her and Viveca brought up her hands, covering her face, ashamed of herself, how weak she was. She heard Logan let out a heavy sigh and felt his weight lift off of her. She just laid on the floor, crying, thinking about her parents, that she'd never see them again, about her grandparents, wondering how she was ever going to have a normal life. She didn't think she could. Viveca didn't know if she was strong enough to just pick up and move on after all of this.

She felt hands pulling her up, getting her onto her feet. A strong arm around her shoulder, guiding her gently out of the gym, her hands still up over her face. Out in the hall, they kept walking a bit until the gym was out of sight, and Logan pulled the crying red head to him, holding her as she sobbed and shook. "It's alright," He soothed, running a hand over her wavy hair. "Everything's going to be okay."


	5. Chapter 5

Okay there is a shoot off related to this Chapter involving everyone's favorite classy Turian, Lorik Qui'in. Go read it for the full conversation between Viveca and Lorik. I won't say it's overly interesting, but I plan on doing more with them later.

…...

Viveca stopped, and was silent for a long moment, not looking at Shepard, who was sitting next to her, staring instead at the metal floors of the cargo bay. She blinked her blue eyes and looked over at him, "If you don't mind, Commander, I think that's enough for now." Shepard nodded, and she appreciated the fact that he wasn't looking at her with pity. She didn't feel like talking anymore right now, and just wanted to be alone.

"Of course," He said, standing. "We'll be heading to Noveria next, I'd suggest warm clothing. Very warm."

Shepard left her and she moved back up onto the stacked mats, her back against the hull wall. She found herself thinking of her grandmother, Alice. She'd gone to see her at one point only a year or so later, in that nursing home on Earth. She didn't recognize her granddaughter, that hadn't surprised Viveca at all, she'd been nine when she'd been taken after all, and it had been nearly a year since she'd seen them when they were taken. She did remember her daughter and granddaughter though, and that they were missing. She cried on Viveca's shoulder about how much she missed them, and how she blamed herself for letting them go out into space.

Viveca didn't know why she'd gone to see her. Maybe she'd been hoping that her senile grandmother would recognize her, that she'd have some family back in her life. Or maybe she'd just wanted to make sure she was well taken care of. Either way, she'd gone to see her, and then moved on. Perhaps it had been closure she'd been looking for. Only a few months later her grandmother passed away, and Viveca received the few belongings she had left, one of which was a picture of Viveca as a toddler with her parents, smiling and happy, innocent. She'd burned the belongings, thinking that in a way she was cremating that little girl that she'd been so long ago, finally able to lay her to rest.

…...

Shepard hadn't been kidding when he'd told her to dress warm for Noveria, she'd never experienced such extreme cold before. Why in the great blue galaxy anyone would want to settle on that ice rock she had no clue, but she supposed the fact that it was completely unappealing was what made it appealing to the companies who owned labs and offices there. No civilians meant no one poking around or complaining about things and making them spend money that they felt they shouldn't have to spend. Greed at it's best.

There'd been snow, rude executives, corporate intrigue and corruption, and a double-dealing Hanar merchant. And that was just in Port Hanshan, before the real fun began. And of course, for Viveca, there'd been Lorik Qui'in, the unusually polite and friendly Turian. She didn't know what to think of meeting him, their interaction had seemed innocent enough, gestures that might have been interpreted as flirting had, in her mind, been explained as his lack of understanding human culture, which was supposedly why he had asked for her contact information. Now Garrus was telling her that was not his reason at all, implying that he was, in fact, interested in her.

That made Viveca far more hesitant to contact him. She had more pressing matters than being courted, and Lorik seemed so sophisticated, he would surely lose any interest he thought he had in her when he learned about her past. Businessmen didn't usually date ex cons who were also former terrorists. And her last relationship, or relationships depending on how you wanted to look at it, with a Turian had ended poorly. In fact, all of her relationships had failed spectacularly. She was beginning to accept that relationships were simply out of her cards, she'd obviously missed out on some crucial social learning in her years as a slave and then a freedom fighter.

Lorik would have to wait until another time. Which was just a cop out really. She'd probably never contact him.

Back to Hanshan though, or rather, what had happened after Hanshan. After having to ride through the blizzard (which Viveca had _not_ enjoyed, in the slightest, never mind the Geth, she just hated the cold) they'd finally arrived at Peak 15, and as was the order of things with Commander Shepard's missions, things had not gone according to plan at all. The Peak was being terrorized by Rachni. _Rachni_, of all things. The insect-like alien race that was supposed to have been driven to extinction by the Krogan in the Rachni Wars nearly two thousand years ago. That had been amazing and horrifying in and of itself, and Viveca still wasn't sure if she supported Shepard's decision to let the Rachni Queen live.

Either way, this mission, though troublesome, had been far more helpful than Feros. They'd learned a lot from Benezia's moment of clarity. It had been... disturbing though. The Asari Matriarch, a being of great wisdom and power, was being controlled by Saren, indoctrinated just like Shiala, by the ship Sovereign. Saren had a hold of a powerful, dangerous tool, and Viveca knew better than most that Saren was not a person you wanted to be in your head.

In the moments that she broke from Saren's control, Benezia told them that he was searching for the Mu Relay, it's position lost long ago when a star went super nova. She had discovered it's location, but did not know what lay on the other side. Unfortunately for them, Saren also now knew where it was, so they would have to hurry. The Matriarch had been unable to shake the indoctrination though, and they had been forced to kill her. Viveca remembered standing over her body, feeling pity for her.

Viveca looked up as a familiar form came into view out of the corner of her eye, "Hello Commander." She said, looking up at him.

"You can just call me Shepard you know, or Aeron," He shrugged, and sat down.

Viveca nodded, she'd try to remember that. "So tell me then, Shepard, do your missions always go to pot like that?" She asked with a wry smile.

Shepard laughed and rubbed the back of his neck, "It certainly seems that way..." He muttered, then looked at her. "So, besides it being such a mess, what did you think of the mission and what we've learned?"

Viveca frowned for a moment, and sighed, "Something isn't adding up..." Viveca told him, "Shiala and Benezia both spoke of being indoctrinated, and they refer to Saren as the one controlling them but... he's doing it with the ship, Sovereign. How is this ship doing this to people? And what about the Geth? Are they indoctrinated too? How would you indoctrinate machines?"

"Maybe it's more like a virus of some sort with them?" Shepard suggested.

Viveca frowned, "Benezia helped point us in the right direction to find Saren, but I'm no closer to figuring out why or how Saren is doing this... why would he want to bring the Reapers back? Saren is... well, he's an asshole. He's a cold-hearted, cruel Turian, but his dedication to justice and order are genuine. His one goal in life is to serve the Council and protect the galaxy, mostly from corruption. Why would he want to bring a race of beings that only seem bent on destruction?"

Shepard sighed, "I don't know," he admitted. "I didn't really question it to be honest... I guess I sort of painted Saren as a villain from the stories I've heard about him, and my own experiences as well."

"Evil never calls itself evil," Viveca told him, repeating what she had told the other slaves all those years ago. "Saren does not think of himself as evil. He knows that he's maybe not the nicest guy, but he very much believes the means justify the ends. And the ends for him are always bringing criminals to justice and doing his job. This though... The means are obviously horrible, controlling people's minds, attacking entire colonies, working with the Geth, but what is the end? We know it's to bring back the Reapers, but I can't help but feel like that's not his true goal, that it's something else. That he's bringing back the Reapers to achieve something."

Shepard sat there for a long moment, and then shook his head, "I don't know Viveca, I really don't. I don't know what bringing them back could possibly achieve other than power and destruction."

"Saren desires neither of those things... he's a true Turian, he despises power for power's sake. His sense of dedication to the greater good has been warped some how, but I can't figure out what greater good he would be serving by bringing the Reapers back."

"There's really no use in trying to figure it out right now I suppose, we've barely been getting enough information just to stay on his tail and figure out what he's doing next, not to figure out his motives," Shepard told her. "When we catch him, you can ask him."

"You're not going to kill him?" Viveca asked quietly, her tone a little disbelieving.

"Not if I can help it, I don't like to kill without a very good reason. And while I won't lie, I do feel that Saren deserves to be shot for what he's done, I see now that maybe there's more to this than I originally thought," He sighed and ran a hand over his short brown hair. "Things just can never be simple for me can they?"

Viveca laughed softly, "No, I would say not, they're never simple for me either."

"So I've noticed," Shepard shook his head.

"So..." Shepard said, looking at her, "Lorik..."

Viveca sighed, "I still don't really believe Garrus, I didn't get that vibe from him at all," well, maybe that was a bit of a lie, she did get the impression that he was flirting with her, but that could have just been her reading into things, he'd apologized every time, claiming ignorance of human culture and what meant what. "Either way, I don't have time to play pen pal right now." She shrugged.

Shepard just smiled a little but seemed to let it go, "Alright, well... if you don't mind, could you continue telling me your story?" He asked.

Viveca sighed and smiled, "Fine, starting to get to the good stuff now anyway." She liked Shepard, he was probably the closest thing to a friend she'd had in a long time, and probably one of the most normal relationships she'd ever had, platonic or not.

…...

A couple days passed after Viveca received the confirmation that her parents were, indeed, gone, and that the rest of her small family was either dead or in a nursing home. After her break down, Logan had taken her back to the barracks, where Janice spent most of the day trying to comfort her when Viveca would even respond to her. She spent most of the time curled up in her bunk, cuddled up with Alex, her stuffed dog, and thinking about her parents, wondering about her future, and slowly sorting out the emotions that came with learning that she was in fact alone in the galaxy. Or well, mostly alone. Janice seemed bound and determined not to let her flounder on her own.

They were sitting in the mess hall when Janice made a surprising suggestion, "Vivi... I was thinking... I know that the researchers are trying to find a family to place you with but... what if you came and lived with me and my aunt?" She said hesitantly, watching her friend closely.

"What?" Viveca blinked, her voice muffled as she had a mouth full of food in it currently.

"Well I mean, I'd have to talk to my aunt about it but... you're such a pain in the ass, I don't think anyone but me could really put up with you for very long," Janice grinned.

Viveca let out a scoff, and tried to suppress the grin that was threatening to spill on her face. This was... unexpected, but touching. "Janice... I... I don't want to be a bother," She said dismissively, meaning it. Janice was the only friend she had had since she'd been taken. Seven long years of being alone and feeling isolated. It scared her in a way, she'd only had to worry about herself for so long, she didn't know how to really let some one else care about her, or how to care about some one else. She didn't think she made a very good friend.

"Well if my aunt agrees then it isn't! Please Viveca?" She said, using her friend's real name for once, and pouting at her with her gray eyes widened in a child-like manner.

"Don't make that face at me!" Viveca laughed and put her hand over Janice's face. The other girl laughed and pushed her hand away. "I'll think about it, okay? Ask your aunt in the mean time."

"I will!" Janice said and bounced to her feet.

"What? Hey I didn't mean right now!" Viveca called as Janice ran off, leaving the red head by herself. Viveca sighed and shook her head with a smile, continuing to eat her meal, feeling... happy. She hadn't thought about going with Janice to live with her aunt, it simply hadn't occurred to her as an option, but when she thought about it, it wasn't so bad an idea, provided that her aunt was fine with it. She wouldn't lie, she'd grown fond of Janice, she'd become like a little sister to her, and she'd known from the time Janice had found out about her aunt that she would miss her a lot when she left. The thought of going and living with total strangers hadn't been very appealing either... so this would solve two problems that Viveca had been dreading.

This, however, conflicted with an idea that Viveca had been mulling over since she'd had the presence of mind to think clearly after getting the results on her family. The more Viveca had thought about trying to return to normal life, the more apprehensive of attempting it she had become. What did she know about interacting with people? Or going to school? Or having a job? She had been nine when she had been taken, and her education had not been furthered since then, so Viveca still had the reading and writing ability of a child. It wasn't something she'd really thought much about until Janice had started talking excitedly about returning to school in her aunt's colony, about how much she missed reading books. Viveca couldn't remember the last book she'd read, but it had been a children's book.

She knew that she was just being cowardly again, but the more she thought about it, the more she felt that maybe it was too late for her to try and pick up where she'd left off and carry on with her life. She'd lost so much time, maybe she would never be able to recover from that. Then, an idea had occurred to her, one she rather liked.

Logan and Janice both had told her she couldn't stay here in the barracks for the rest of her life, but did she have to leave the station? What if she joined the Skyllian Liberation Front? Felicia had told her repeatedly that they could use some one like Viveca, Felicia told her that she had a fighter's spirit, and that she knew just how precious freedom was. It was people like that that the Front needed more of. The more Viveca had thought about joining the SLF, the more she liked it. She could pick up her life where it had been taken from her, or she could help others get their lives back, people who still had families, and had a better chance than her of assimilating back into society.


	6. Chapter 6

So now Viveca was faced with a dilemma. Go with Janice to live with her aunt in the colonies and have a chance at a normal life, or try to join the Skyllian Liberation Front and try to help other slaves who were suffering. She would admit that even joining the Front had some selfish motivations. She was afraid, in all honesty, afraid of finding out the hard way that whatever chance at a normal life she'd had after being forced into slavery had died years ago. She was afraid of failing and be stuck for the rest of her life on the fringes of society, too damaged to ever really belong anywhere again. There were risks with joining the Front of course, if she were caught she'd be tried as a terrorist, and there was a chance she'd fail at even trying to be one of them, but for some reason that frightened her less than being ostracized by mainstream society.

Viveca sighed, laying in bed unable to sleep. She decided that she really was messed up. She turned her head, looking down at Janice's bunk, where her friend was sleeping soundly. Janice had a real chance at happiness. She'd only been taken three years ago, and had only been with that monster Allan for some three months. She would still need time and patience to heal, but she could do it, she was stronger than she thought. Viveca though... She turned her head back and stared up at the metal welded ceiling. She didn't know if there was enough time in her life to ever really heal.

She knew she wasn't going to be able to sleep, she'd made the mistake of not going and working out before bed, so she wasn't worn out enough to fall asleep, especially with the decisions that were in front of her. Janice was waiting to hear back from her aunt, and Viveca was trying to decide what she should do. She sat up and swung her legs over the side of her bunk, jumping down, her bare feet quiet when they hit the floor. She got dressed and padded quietly out of the barracks, her shoes in hand, not heading for her usual haunts, the gym and the mess hall. She'd been avoiding Logan since her little episode, and she knew that he knew that that was where you could usually find her.

Viveca instead went to one of the empty barracks, and laid down on the floor, starting to do crunches. Exercise seemed to be the only thing that cleared her head anymore, allowed her to think. Her body went into autopilot, her breathing deep and rhythmic, the repetitive motion lulling her into a sort of trance, she imagined that this was sort of like what happened to most people when they meditated, only she didn't sit still when she did so.

She let her mind wander, thinking in ways that she usually did not allow herself to think, wandering down paths she usually prevented herself from going. Her self worth had been diminished over the years. Viveca had fought against the oppression of her masters the entire time she'd been a slave, and while she had come out a stronger person than most of her other former slaves, it had damaged her more than they had been. There was less of her left, but what was left had hardened into steel to protect the still vulnerable core of her. She aggressively defended what was left of her, knowing deep down that though she was strong than some of the other former slaves, that it would take more to break her, once she did break, then recovery would be slim, where as the others were more likely to be able to repair themselves and move on. It left her in a difficult position.

Viveca lay still finally, letting her legs fall over and she just stared up at the ceiling, panting softly. She had her answer, she just hoped it was the right one. So she climbed to her feet and went back to her own barracks, taking a shower and going to bed, finally able to sleep.

In the morning, she woke before Janice, just like she always did, and climbed out of bed, changed, and headed for a part of the ship that she knew guests weren't usually allowed. There were two guards standing at the cross section of the hall where it transitioned from public to more private. Viveca felt a small thrill of nerves, but didn't stop as she walked up to them. They stepped in her way, of course. "You're not allowed past this point," the guard told her, frowning deeply.

"I need to see Alex," She explained, trying not to sound annoyed. Viveca didn't know why these sort of measures were necessary within the ship. Though she supposed Alex was important enough to the Front that anything that provided him with protection was going to be done.

The guard gave her a glare, she knew they were trying to intimidate her, but that was hard to do now. "You don't have the clearance to see him, if you want to talk to him then you'll have to go through the proper channels," he told her, scowling at her. His tone was final, as if that was that. Well Viveca didn't think so. She opened her mouth to argue, but was interrupted.

"She's fine guys," some one said from behind her. She knew who it was before she looked, but did so anyway, see Logan walking up behind her. "I'll vouch for her."

The guard who hadn't even spoken moved back into place with no problem, but the one who had really been putting up a fight glared at Viveca, as if offended that she was getting around his 'authority'. Logan, however, outranked him, so he stepped aside, his scowl looking more like a pout. "Yes, sir."

Logan nodded to her and they continued down the hall together. "Thanks," She told him quietly, glancing at him out of the corner of her eye.

"No problem, I'll show you to Alex's office," He told her, and they walked in silence for a few moments.

"Logan, I-"

"It's alright, you don't have to apologize," he told her quietly, knowing what she was about to say, "I understand. I'm not taking it personally." And they kept walking.

Viveca still felt the need to apologize, but she didn't say it. She wondered though, if he really knew what she was going through, or if he was just guessing. He could, for all she knew, as she realized that she almost nothing about him. That made her wonder how much about her he knew as well. She frowned to herself, glancing at him out of the corner of her eye. She was having a hard time getting a read on Logan. He never talked about himself, but then, neither did she, nor did he ask her too. And he didn't treat her like she was some fragile creature. He was probably the only person besides Janice and Felicia that she could stand to be around for more than ten minutes.

"Alright, here we go," He said, pressing the button beside the door.

"Who is it?" She heard Alex's muffled voice from inside.

"It's me Alex, got some one here who wants to talk to you," Logan answered, and the door opened. Logan went in first, with Viveca following him. Alex looked a little surprised as he saw Viveca, glancing at Logan, who just shrugged his shoulders. Their own silent conversation.

"Viveca, what can I do for you?" Alex asked, motioning for her to sit down, Logan remained standing.

"You remember me?" Viveca asked, a little surprised, sitting down and glancing from Alex to Logan, who smirked at her a little.

Alex gave a small laugh, "Well, you're kind of hard to forget," He told her.

Viveca nodded. Yes... she supposed her first impression on him and Logan both must have been a bit dramatic. Well, she supposed it might worked in her favor now. She sat there for a moment, trying to think of how to word what she wanted to say. She really hadn't planned this out very well. So she decided to just come out and say it. "I want to join the Front," she told him. Alex blinked, obviously surprised, then glanced at Logan. Viveca couldn't see his reaction without turning her head, but she wasn't going to look away from Alex, she didn't want to see hesitant or weak, so she did her best to maintain eye contact.

"Join the Front?" Alex repeated, clearing his throat softly, "Viveca, I know that it must be hard to know that your parents are gone-"

"I've always known they were." Viveca told him flatly. She wondered if Logan had told him about her break down, if that would make her seem too unstable to join them and function as a member of their group.

"No, you've always assumed, it's different to know for sure, believe me, I understand that. I know it's hard to feel like you're alone, and that you've become comfortable here, but joining the Front is not a way out of moving on with your life," Alex told her.

Viveca frowned deeply, almost glaring, but not quite. "I'm not running away," she told him, "I thought I was too at first. I thought I just wanted to stay here because I was afraid of trying to become normal again and failing. And that's still partially true, but that's not all there is to it." She sighed, pushing her red hair out of her face. She hadn't really talked to anyone about her emotions in a long time, not since she was a child. As a slave, no one cared how you felt, and once they'd come here, Viveca had been too stubborn to go to counseling, and too proud to open up very much to Janice. "Yes, I'm afraid of trying to assimilate back into normal life, but it's more than that. I want to help. I don't think I could ever forgive myself if I just went on with my life like none of this ever happened. They took too much of me for me to do that. I don't think I _can_ move on, not yet."

Alex looked at her for a long moment, then glanced at Logan. "Let me think about it..." He told her quietly. She wondered how old Alex was, he looked so young, but his eyes and his mannerisms were of a much older man. "We do occasionally accept new members that were slaves we rescued but it is never an easy decision to make. You've been through a lot, I don't know if you can handle the stress." She opened her mouth to argue but he held up his hand, "I do not say that to insult you. I have been keeping tabs on you." Viveca fought the urge to look at Logan, wondering if he was how Alex had been doing that. She was surprised that she felt a little betrayed, wondering if that was the only reason Logan had been bothering to get to know her. "And I will admit that you make a good candidate, but it is still a big decision, so let me think on it. You will have your answer by tomorrow."

Viveca hesitated, feeling like she should say more to further her case, but she felt Logan touch her arm and she looked up at him. He gave a small shake of his head and she held back a sigh. How had he come to know her so well? So she stood and nodded her head, "Thank you." She told Alex, and walked out of the door, surprised when Logan followed her. She figured he would have stayed with Alex to talk about this.

"Coming along to keep tabs on me?" She asked him quietly, still feeling a little betrayed at the thought of Logan watching her on some sort of orders from Alex.

Logan laughed softly, "I'm not the one that's been watching you," He told her.

Viveca gave him a suspicious, disbelieving look.

"Alright, if Alex asked me something about you I told him, but pretty much everyone has been keeping an eye on you for him. You kind of made an impression, shooting Allan and all," Logan told her with a shrug as they walked down the hall and back past the guards. "I took my own interest in you, for similar reasons, but not because Alex told me to."

"What so you don't usually get so chummy with the rescued slaves?" She asked him.

"Chummy?" He laughed, "Hardly, I think this is the most you've ever talked to me in one go." He told her. "But no, I usually don't. I don't even live in this part of the ship, I've been coming out of my way to be around here."

Viveca furrowed her brow and looked at him, confused. Why in the world would he do that? "Just because I killed Allan?" She asked him.

"Well, that certainly peaked my interest, but I was secretly hoping you'd want to join us," He told her, "We need more people like you. People willing to take action, people who aren't happy just waving signs and holding protests. The Skyllian Liberation Front is mostly a bunch of former activists who got sick of the Council not doing a damn thing to stop the Batarians from raiding entire colonies." He explained. Viveca listened intently, it was the first time anyone had really told her anything about the group in detail. She'd only caught small bits of information and inferences here and there. "Most of us have lost loved ones to slavers, some of us are former slaves," He didn't say which one he was, "We're the only ones who are willing to do something about it, but most of the people that are here and have been here since we started up still have this naïve belief that if we just keep doing what we're doing eventually some one will listen."

"But you don't agree?" Viveca asked.

"No, I don't. We don't do anything preemptive, we only take back the ones who have already been stolen. We don't try to stop it from happening in the first place," He sighed, and ran a hand through his hair. "I had to really convince Alex to execute Allan. The man was a monster, he was too dangerous, too depraved to let live."

Viveca frowned, "He deserved to die..." She agreed silently.

"Alex says that we can't become too aggressive. The Council publicly denounces us, but honestly, they don't have a huge problem with what we're doing. He says that if we cause too much of a problem, they'll be forced to do something about it. The Council doesn't support slavery, but they don't want to take the politic risk of trying to force the Batarians to stop. And humanity and the Alliance are still too new for them to feel comfortable backing us on such a controversial issue," He sighed, and shrugged, "So we're on our own. It's up to us. But we'll never make a difference if we can't protect people in the first place. By the time we get them back, the damage has already been done. And most of them, we never get back."

Viveca thought about her mother, and couldn't help but agree. "Well... I agree with you," She told him quietly.

Logan smiled, and reached over, ruffling her long red hair. "Yeah, I know," He laughed.

Viveca frowned, smoothing her hair back down, then bit her lip. "Do you think Alex will let me join up?" She asked him. He hadn't seemed very sure, and if he really was against aggressive action, then he might not think she was up to his ideal of a recruit, though she obviously met Logan's expectations.

"I don't know, but I promise I'll do my best to convince him," He told her, shoving his hands into his pockets. There was a moment of silence, then, "What about Janice?" He asked.

Viveca blinked, "What about her?"

"Well, she asked you to come live with her, does she know that you want to stay here?"

Viveca stopped and looked at him, glaring. "How in the world do you know about that?" She asked him. A few very paranoid thoughts crossed her mind, like Janice being the one that was really keeping tabs on her, or listening devices, or something like that.

Logan laughed, "Damn I didn't realize how paranoid you were. Janice told me," He explained. "She talks to me more than you do, but it's usually about you. She pretty much worships you." He smiled.

Viveca sighed, and ran a hand across her forehead, feeling guilty, "Don't tell me that... I already feel bad enough doing this... I know she won't be happy but..." She trailed off, not sure what else to say. That this was what she really wanted, that this was what felt right, that she didn't want to be a burden to Janice and her aunt. "I just hope she doesn't hate me."

"She could never hate you," He told her, smiling. "I'd tell her soon though, it'll only hurt more the longer you let her think it's going to happen."

"I was kind of hoping her aunt would just say no and save me the trouble," Viveca admitted, and Logan laughed.

"Alright, I have to go. I actually do have a job within this group you know, can't go around baby sitting you all the time," He teased before ruffling her hair again.


	7. Chapter 7

Viveca had told Janice about her decision once she'd gotten back, and while the younger girl had been disappointed, she hadn't been angry. Somehow, Viveca staying and joining the Skyllian Liberation Front made more sense than her moving on to some volunteer's family or even Janice and her aunt and trying to become normal again. The next day though, Viveca felt more nervous than she could remember ever feeling in a very long time. She waited anxiously for Alex to send her word that he had made his decision.

So when she saw Logan walked purposefully towards her around lunch, she rightly assumed that that was why he was there. She went with him back to Alex's office, where the young leader was sitting behind his desk. His calm, blue-gray eyes regarded her for a moment before he handed her some paper work. "I'll need you to start filling this out and give all the rest of the information a read as well, it's mostly safety procedures," He told her.

Viveca blinked and stared at the paper work then Alex, "So that means... you're letting me join?"

Alex nodded, "Yes."

Viveca let out a sigh, feeling like she'd been holding her breath all day, and smiled, "Thank you. I won't let you down." She said, and started to stand, glancing at Logan, who gave her a smile and a small wink. She hesitated though, and looked down at the paper work. "Ah..." She turned back around, her face beginning to flush in embarrassment. She'd been so excited, she hadn't thought about it at first, but she supposed she didn't have a choice but to tell them. She wished that Logan wasn't standing right there though.

"Is there a problem?" Alex asked, raising his brows at her curiously. He glanced at Logan, who frowned and shrugged.

"Sort of..." Viveca told him, glancing at the paper work in her hands. "I uh... I can't read very well..." She told them. "They don't exactly provide you with a lot of reading material when you're a slave," She gave a nervous laugh, trying to make light of the situation. But she'd only been nine when she'd been taken, still learning, and she'd hadn't read much in the seven years since then. She could still read for the most part, but at a low level.

Alex blinked then frowned slightly, a sympathetic look on his face. "Oh, of course. I'm sorry, I didn't think of that," He said, not telling her that she was the longest held slave that had joined up with them so far. "I can help you-"

"I'll do it," Logan said suddenly, glancing at Viveca. "I'll help her out."

Alex raised a brow but shrugged, "Alright, is that okay with you Viveca?" He asked her.

Viveca hesitated and glanced at Logan before nodding. "Thank you."

So Viveca spent the next few days with Logan in the mess hall, feeling like she was having to relearn all of this all over again. Janice was with them a lot too, helping out, waiting until everything was processed and cleared and she could finally go on to be with her aunt. That day finally came and Viveca stood with her at the loading docks beside a shuttle that would take her down to the planet that they were orbiting to then be taken to a ship for transport. Two Front members would accompany her to make sure she got there safe and sound.

"You'll keep in touch right?" Janice asked Viveca, her eyes already beginning to shine with the tears she was holding back.

"You know I will, you just better do the same alright?" Viveca smiled, and Janice nodded before the girl clung to her in a tight hug. Viveca returned it awkwardly, still uncomfortable with physical contact. "Alright, come on, you need to go." She told her, Janice nodding with a sniff as she disengaged from Viveca.

Janice looked at Logan, who was standing beside Viveca, smiling down at her. He ruffled Janice's short brown hair and grinned at her, "Be safe kid."

"I will," Janice smiled, then glanced at Viveca, "Take care of her for me will you?"

"Don't worry, I will," He grinned and Janice giggled.

Viveca glared at the two of them and tried not to let her face flush too badly. "Yeah yea, come on, get on the shuttle," She said, shooing the girl, who gave her one last quick hug before she hurried off to the shuttle, climbing on. The last Viveca saw of her was her face pressed to the glass, grinning and waving. Viveca waved back, and she and Logan left so that the bay could be depressurized properly and it wouldn't kill them.

"Well, guess we need to move you out of the guest barracks and into your own room," Logan told her, "Well, sort of your own room. You'll be bunking with three other girls." He explained, shoving his hands into his pockets.

"Yeah, guess I'll grab my bag," Viveca said, her voice lacking enthusiasm. Janice was the first friend she'd had in seven years, and she knew she was going to miss her.

"Hey, you alright?" Logan asked, stopping her with a hand blocking her path. He was always careful not to touch her, except when he ruffled her hair.

Viveca forced a smile and nodded, "Yeah, I'll be alright. Just gonna miss her."

"Yeah, I know," He sighed, giving her a small, gentle smile, "come on then."

So for the next few months Viveca trained and became a member of the Skyllian Liberation Front. She already had hand to hand combat down, but also received weapons training, as well as first aid, and even learned some basic hacking techniques. They were mostly all taught stealth though, not in the classic sneaking around ninja style, but more in the sense of making it impossible for people to track their movements. There were few rules and regulations on personal behavior and appearance, as this was not the military, but there were strict rules on communication and activity outside the station.

Everyone also had daily chores and jobs that they were expected to carry out to help keep the station running smoothly. Being new, Viveca of course got the least desirable jobs, mostly cleaning, laundry, and kitchen duty. But she didn't complain. She trained hard, and worked hard. She was still slow to make friends, but had gotten to know her three room mates fairly well. And while she didn't see Logan as much as she once had, when she did it was the high light of her day as she began to relax around him and trust him. She also saw Alex more, and still had yet to tell him or anyone else really that she had a stuffed animal with the same name as him. She'd kept her own Alex hidden for weeks until she trusted the other girls not to belittle her for him. When she did tell them about him, and that he was the only thing she had left from her days before the raid, they'd been understanding, they'd even shown her their own childish mementos from home.

Life had never been better, as far as Viveca was concerned. She was earning the respect of the people around her, proving her worth to them, and herself. It didn't hurt that she was becoming fast friends with the two men who ran the entire show, Alex becoming a bit like an older brother to her, his gentle encouragement meant far more to her than the praise of her peers, and Logan was always there to keep her head from getting too big.

Right now though she was with Logan in his quarters, having accepted an invitation to watch some vids, like they did sometimes. The other girls all teased her about him. Logan was tall, dark, and handsome, and had a bit of a bad boy feel to him, though Viveca knew he was a big softie underneath his rough and tumble exterior. She would admit he was handsome, and that she maybe did have a bit of a crush on him now that she was more comfortable with him, but she didn't see how he could ever be into her like that. She was nearly eight years younger than him, and he'd seen her at her worst. She enjoyed their friendship, and was perfectly happy with how things were. She wasn't about to let a crush make her do something stupid and mess that up.

"Alright, what's it going to be?" Logan said as he sat down beside her and handed her a bowl of actual popcorn. It was about the only time she got to have any so she immediately dug in. Logan grabbed the remote and turned on his television, flipping through his list of his vids until they came across a comedy that Logan liked but Viveca had never seen. Having been locked up as a slave for the last seven years, she'd missed most of the vids released in that time period.

So they settled down to watch the vid, Viveca pulling up her knees, curling up into a bit of a ball, and eating most of the popcorn. Logan let her, eating a handful here or there, his arm left arm stretched along the top of the couch behind Viveca. Her head ended up resting against his shoulder, her right ear pressed against him. Over the sound of the movie she could hear his heart beating, slow and steady. She felt him shift, and could hear his heart beat increase a little. Wondering if something was wrong she turned her head slightly to look up at him, and found him staring at her.

Viveca's blue eyes blinked at him, "What is it?" She asked, expecting him to ruffle her wavy red hair and give her a grin before telling her to watch the movie before she missed the best part as according to him, most movies had at least ten best parts to it. He didn't though. He just looked at her for a long moment, before his right hand came around and took her chin gently, tilting her face up. Now it's Viveca's turn for her heart to beat faster, though hers felt it was about to hammer it's way right out of her chest. A wave of excitement and fear washed over her as Logan leaned down, and she felt like she'd been struck by lightning as his lips pressed against hers.

They stayed like that for a long moment, then Viveca was scrambling to her feet, almost panting she was breathing so deeply. "I uh... I should go," she told him, Logan already standing as well as she backed towards the door.

"Viveca wait, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that," He told her, sounding about as close to upset as she had ever heard him. His hand reached out for her, "Come on. Calm down, it's okay. I won't do that again, I promise."

Viveca shook her head as he misunderstood her reaction, "That's... that's not it," She told him, still inching backwards. Logan stopped, realizing she was moving to keep distance between them.

"Viveca I..." He sighed, broad shoulders sagging, "I'm sorry." He told her helplessly. "Just... come on, sit down. Let's talk." Logan motioned towards the couch, which he moved away from.

Viveca glanced towards the door, then looked at Logan, before moving and sitting down on the far side of the couch, tucked a stray strand of red hair behind her ear, curling up in a ball.

"I shouldn't have done that," Logan sighed, running a hand over his black hair, his other hand on his hip. He rubbed the back of his neck and looked at Viveca for a long quiet moment. "What did you mean? 'That's not it'?" He asked her.

Viveca swallowed and licked at her lips, "I... I don't want you to not do that again I just..." how did she explain it to him? How did she explain that any time she thought about physical contact, or some one touched her in more than a quick, impersonal way, she felt... reactive. She supposed it was what people called 'fight or flight', she felt the need to run, or fight. Being touched still frightened her, still brought back all the feelings she'd had when Allan Gray had had her, when he'd beaten and raped her for two years. He'd forced her into an almost animalistic mindset, she'd stopped feeling human after a while. There were only her instincts and the will to survive, nothing more, and sometimes not even that.

"Viveca, it's okay," Logan sighed, moving slowly, carefully, sit on the arm of the couch on the other side from her. He could see the wide look of her eyes and how she kept glancing at the door. Emotions made Viveca go into an almost panicked state, like the day she'd attacked him when she'd learned for sure that her father was dead, as were most of her grandparents. Her mother still missing. She kept a tight rein on them, blocking them out instead of learning how to handle them. So when they broke free, she reverted. Logan sighed, and ran a hand over his face, the vid still playing in the background. "I don't know what you want me to do..." He admitted.

"I don't either..." She told him quietly, looking at the ground instead of his gentle, compelling expression. "Can... can we just watch the movie?" She asked him. Logan blinked in surprise, and raised a brow.

"Uh... sure," He said, moving to sit back on the couch, as far from Viveca as he could get, trying to give her room.

They sat there, watching the vid, with Viveca occasionally moving a little closer, bit by bit, until she was back to being curled up against Logan. He sat there and let her, only glancing at her occasionally, letting her take her own time, letting her do things on her terms. It was a little difficult for him, he'd always taken charge in things in his life, made the first move, taken control, but he realized that with Viveca, he would have to let her set the pace, and would sometimes have to wait until she was ready to come to him.

She stayed tucked into the side of his body for a good ten minutes, her head resting against his chest. He was warm, and the scent of his cologne filled her nose, his own natural smell laying subtly under it. Viveca finally sat up a bit, and turned to look at him, now kneeling on the couch beside him. He sat there and let her come to him, their lips pressing together again in a soft, hesitant kiss. She pulled away, and he came to her this time, kissing her with far more confidence than she kissed him with, one of her hands steadying herself on his shoulder, the other came up to rest on the back of his neck. She lost herself in it, their mouths moving against one another's until their tongues finally met, Viveca amused by how he still tasted of salt and butter. His arm went around her fully, his other hand cupping her jaw, wrapping her up in a warm, safe cocoon.

It was the first positive physical experience she'd ever had with a man besides the innocence of her childhood with her father. This was an entirely different animal though, and she felt that it marked some sort of milestone for her. One that most girls her age got to experience, but that she thought she never would.

She pulled away, letting out a breath that she'd been half holding for the entirety of their kiss, not wanting to breath all over his face. She sat back, Logan letting her, though his hand stayed resting on her shoulder. Viveca looked away from him, now feeling incredibly self conscious, tucking her hair behind her ear, as she did when she was nervous. It was only moments like this that she looked as young as her sixteen years.

"I... don't understand," She told him quietly.

Logan frowned, looking confused. "What don't you understand?" He asked her, his fingers gently rubbing the back of her shoulder.

"Why?" She asked, "I mean... I'm... damaged, and young and-"

"You are not damaged." Logan told her, surprising her by the hard tone in his voice, "I don't ever want to hear you call yourself that again. You're not damaged." He sighed, looking at her. "You've been through a lot Viveca, I know that, and you have some understandable problems because of that. But everyone has problems, everyone has issues. It doesn't make us damaged or broken, it just makes us human."

Viveca didn't really agree. She knew everyone had issues, but she felt that hers were worse, but then, she thought, most people probably thought they were more messed up than everyone else. "I just..." She sighed, looking down, away from him. His hand reached over and took her chin gently, tilting it back up so she'd look at him.

"If you don't want to do this, I understand, but don't make it because you think that I'll wake up one morning and think you're crazy, or because I'm a bit older than you," He told her. "I'm not going to force you to do anything, but I would _like_ for you to give me a chance." His dark eyes held hers for a long moment, before she finally nodded and moved back to him, curling up against him, her head on his shoulder, still not really believing that all this had just happened.

"So... what's going on in the vid?" She asked, and Logan laughed, grabbing the remote and trying to get them back to where they'd been before they'd gotten distracted.


End file.
